Word Vomit

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

(sorry about the title. It's the only thing I could think of that accurately describes what kind of post this is...)

Where, where, where do I begin?

I have wanted to write this post for a few months.  Just to get my thoughts out into the universe.  Sometimes it helps me more than it will help anyone else reading it. 

You know, I have changed my mind about what I want to be when I grow up a zillion times.

A zillion.

When I was a Senior in high school, all I knew was that I wanted to be creative. 
Then I got into college and thought maybe I would try and be a Disney animator.
Then I decided that wasn't super realistic for me and thought I would give Fashion School a shot (because that's sooo much more realistic...)
Then I went back to the Disney plan. 
Next I decided Wedding Planner had my name written all over it. Nope.
That's when I got into floral and I thought I could maybe make that happen...
Then I decided maybe freelance work and graphic design was my thing.

And now I'm changing my mind.. Again.

Lately I have not been feeling very fulfilled in my career life.
I have discovered that the Wedding industry is just not for me. 

The last few months I felt like I was trying to force a square into a circle, and while that may have worked for Apollo 13, it is not working for me. 
People would tell me things like "It looks like your flower business is just booming!"... Well, let's be real.  It's not.  When people would say that I almost felt guilty and superficial like I was showing people that I was successful when I am far from it, and all I want is to be genuine. 

Also, I just can't compete with all the talent happening right now. There are SO many local florists who are way more talented and busy than I am.  Most of them are amazing people, too, and deserve all the success in the world.


I decided to not do flowers in 2015 and once I made the decision I felt relieved.  (Which is so good.)

I started a new personal/private account on Instagram.  I haven't decided if I will keep my old [floral] one and just transition to whatever I transition to, or if I will just delete it entirely... 

Does anyone else have this weird feeling to impress strangers on Instagram or is that just me?  It's so ridiculous!  In real life I don't even care, but on Instagram somehow I do.. Explain that to me... ???

All I know is I want to be genuinely me, make art, and make pretty things.  And I want to teach people art and how to make pretty things.

Over the summer I had a few girls come over and help me with flowers here and there.  They were a HUGE help to me---not only with flowers, but with helping me know that I LOVE to teach.

After the first day, Chase asked me how it went and I told him it was the best day ever! 
I felt so good knowing that I was helping other people learn new skills! 

I don't have the opportunity to finish school right now, but who knows...for now I want to maybe start teaching art lessons and then start a blog where parents and kids can come and learn some cool techniques and projects and then go spend some quality time together creating and doing art together.... but that could change! ;)

I don't know.... I just feel like I'm rambling now. 

Tell me I'm not the only one who is going through a midlife crisis?  Seriously.


Katie Hudson said...

Your amazing, and totally not the only one going through this. Finding your true place seems hard but when you find it everything will feel right. I'm going to pull out some religion here so just bear with me. I listened to a talk from Elder Holland where he told a story about when his son and him were out on a drive together. They had somehow lost their way and couldn't remember what path took them back home. They prayed and felt to go one direction, so that went. It wasn't long before they realized it was the wrong way and turned back. After returning home his son asked him why had they gotten the impression to go the wrong way, he answered and said that sometimes it is best to be shown the wrong way to know for sure what way is the right way. That's how I feel it is for you, you have amazing talents and have had great experiences but now you will now without a doubt what path is right for you. Embrace the changes and always know that there definitely is a right place for you and you will find it. Wow, that's a lot of word vomit too!

Melissa Laverty said...

Erin - I think you are just bursting with insane creativity (guessing the calligraphy on the team builders name tags was yours). Now is your time to travel different roads to figure out which is the right path. So no beating yourself up - just be your awesome self!!!

Sharon said...

Erin, while you figure this out (and I'd like to know what I am going to be when I grow up myself) you might consider doing clinics or mini camps for girls? You could figure out simple projects to do with teens and tweens. I know my Kate would love to go to a flower arranging class, a watercolor project class, a calligraphy class. Saturday mornings / spring break / summer break.
I suspect there is more of this kind of thing on offer where you are than around here, but it might be a nice little distraction.
You are fabulous. I had just put your flowers from Anna's wedding on my Facebook page just because then I found this post. Love you!

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